


the one where they talk about sex

by ZionPhoenix



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker is mentioned, Demisexual Joe, Discussion of Sex life, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Slice of Life, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZionPhoenix/pseuds/ZionPhoenix
Summary: "Alright, shoot." Nicky encouraged her, as Joe started shuffling the cards."Okay, I don't really know how to ask, but it's mostly that I'm just curious about how your relationship works? You seem so different from all the couples I know, but at the same time you're exactly like them."
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 198





	the one where they talk about sex

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write down my thoughts on Joe and Nicky's sex life, and relationship in general, so I turned it into a fic.
> 
> Un-betaed, please let me know of any mistakes you find. English is not my first language.
> 
> Enjoy!

Nile watched the two men shuffle out the door, holding hands and bickering in a language she didn't understand, probably Arabic. They were an odd pair, she had decided. Not because they were so completely different from each other, but they way they acted. She still didn't know what to make of them, and it's been months. Andy interrupted her musings. "Go on, ask. I can see you want to."   
Nile hesitated, mulling over the best phrasing. "How- how do they work?" It wasn't the best, and she wasn't sure Andy would understand what she meant, but she didn't know how else to say it.   
"You mean their relationship?"  
"Yeah, I guess. It's just, they seem to be exactly like all the couples I knew, but at the same time they're completely different. Do you know what I mean?" Nile could see Andy thinking about it before answering.  
"Hm, I think I do. You mean the way they can never stop touching or calling the other pet names, while at the same time they don't do or need to do any of that. Something like that?" Nile nodded. It was hard to put into words, apparently even for Andy. "I can't really speak for them here, but I think when you're together that long you don't need the constant reassurance of touch and sound. They are mostly like that after they died. Otherwise they just- exist together, I guess."  
"Have you ever walked in on them?" Nile couldn't belive she had actually asked that, but now it was too late anyways.  
"You mean on them having sex?" Andy grinned at her. Nile blushed as she nodded. "Yeah, once. Like 30, 40 years ago, maybe? We were in a one-bathroom safe house, laying low, and I forgot they were taking shower. I don't think they even noticed me opening and closing the door. And before you ask, no, you won't hear them going at it very often. As far as I know they don't have as much sex as we sometimes make them out have." Nile realised that we in this case was her and Booker. "You know, if you're curious about how to have a healthy relationship or sex life as an immortal, you can always just ask them. They have no problem talking about it."

In just this moment the subjects of their conversation walked through the door, shopping bags in hands. "Ask as about what?" Nicky asked as he set the bags he was holding down on the dining table, unpacking their groceries. Joe followed suit.  
"Yeah, we have no problem talking about what?" He asked, quickly looking up at Nile, before continuing to pile groceries on the table. Nile realised they were already sorting them for easier storage.   
"Your sex life." Andy quipped as she walked towards the kitchen to refill her coffee cup.  
"Andy!" Nile exclaimed, shocked at her betrayal, and heard the other woman snicker. Joe and Nicky chuckled.   
"You know, she is right though" Joe said. "You can just ask us about it." Nile furiously blushed. She didn't know if she really wanted to know after all. Andy came back and handed her a cup of coffee, sitting down in the armchair next to her with her own cup.   
"Help us put away the shopping, and we'll answer all your questions while Andy's cooking." Nicky shot a mischievious grin at Andy, who sighed and nodded. Nile shrugged and stood up, taking her coffee with her into the kitchen. It seemed like a good deal, Andy didn't cook very often, and Nile was excited about what she would come up with.   
It only took the three of them a few minutes to put everything away, and when the pantry was finally restocked, Andy started looking through the cupboards, as the others sat down at the dining table with a game of cards.

"Alright, shoot." Nicky encouraged her, as Joe started shuffling.  
"Okay, I don't really know how to ask, but it's mostly that I'm just curious about how your relationship works? You seem so different from all the couples I know, but at the same time you're exactly like them." Nicky nodded sagely, as Joe chuckled.  
"You will find, Nile, that us being immortal makes our relationship quite different." Nicky rolled his eyes.  
"We do, however, understand what you mean. Sometimes we act all lovey-dovey, unable to stop touching or looking at each other. But as Andy has probably already told you, we're only like that after dying usually. Well, actually after watching the other die. When that happens we just need that reassurance that the other is still there." They looked at each other, and Nile felt a little overwhelmed by the amount of love in their eyes.   
Joe started giving out the cards. "Normally we don't need all that reassurance. We're content just - Nicky you start by the way - being in the same space." Nile looked up from sorting her cards.  
"Just existing together?" She remembered what Andy had said earlier. The men smiled at her.   
"Yeah, exactly. By the way, your turn, Nile."  
A few turns went by, the only sounds coming from the kitchen where Andy was cooking, and the cards.

  
"Now," Joe interrupted the silence, "about our sex life." Nile groaned internally. Why has she started this again? Still, she was curious.  
"We know that Andy and," Nicky hesitated for a second, "and also Booker, like to make it seem like we are having sex all the time. Which really isn't true. Andy is either projecting her relationship with Quynh onto ours," they heard a laugh from the kitchen, "or she thinks that just because we were quite, ah, sexually active like the last two weeks before we found them, that we are always like that."   
Joe laughed beside him. "Yeah, right before we found each other, we really were going at it all the time. But that was because it was our first time, and we just couldn't get enough for a while." Nile tried to do the maths in her head, but realised she didn't know when the couples met.  
"Wait, when you all find each other again?" The men glanced at each other, she could see them thinking back.  
"Wasn't it towards the end of the 1100s?" Andy chimed in from the kitchen.   
"Hm, yeah something like that. 1230s, maybe? " Nile did the math now, but before she could say anything, Nicky started talking.  
"Yes, we didn't sleep with each other for the first - _Joe you bastard, throw something better next time_ \- 100 years." Nile only understood half of what he said in Italian instead of English, but it was clear it had something to do with the game and not their conversation. Joe just chuckled before he continued to tell the story.  
"You see, Nile, at the beginning we hated each other. I think it took us about, what, 40 years?" Nicky grunted in confirmation, gaze fixed on his cards. "To actually become friends. And then, well, you see, I don't really experience, ah, sexual attraction without romantic attraction. What are they calling it again these days? Demisexual? Yeah, I think that's it. So after about 40 years we're actually friends, but then it took another 50 or so before we started dating." Nicky ended the round of the game, making Joe curse at him, which earned him a wink from Nicky, and then started reshuffling the cards as he kept the story going.  
"So after about 10 years of dating, I finally confess my love to Joe, and tell him that I'll wait for him for as long as it takes him to say it back. I do however after a few years ask why he won't sleep with me. He felt pretty awkward trying to explain it to me, how it works for him, but I told him it was alright, and that I would wait for that, too."  
"And a few years after that, I told him I loved him. I gotta say, we were quite caught up, in what you would call the honeymoon phase after that. Those were also the two weeks before we met Andy and Quynh." Nicky started distributing the cards for a second round.   
"In today's time there seems to be a lot of emphasis on sex being a necessary part of a romantic relationship, and that without it, the relationship is not complete, that something is missing. But that's bullshit. Joe, you lost, so you get to start. Throughout our lives we have met many people who were in happy, sexless relationships. Also libido and sex drive are a thing. They come and go as they please."  
"And sex just for the sake of having sex is - not enjoyable. To us, at least. So we don't have sex unless we're both up to it. And like we said before, we are happy just being together, so even if we are in the mood, we don't always act on it."  
Nile thanked them for telling her all that, and they continued their game in silence, safe for the occasional curses.  
"Clear the table boys, dinner is ready." Andy called to them from the kitchen, and they all started scrambling around to get the cards out of the way, and the table set. As they were settling down, Nile remembered a snippet from her conversation with Andy.   
"So, did you notice that Andy walked in on you that one time?" She asked as he accepted her bowl from the other woman.   
"Yes, yes we did."  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kudos and comments, as well as criticism, are highly appreciated!


End file.
